While many are still reeling from the recent painful Penn State scandal, I fervently hope that this will be a tremendous learning lesson for our society. As a treatment professional of sex offenders as well as victims, I would like to address some dynamics of perpetrators and witnesses that the public in general is perhaps unaware of.
What do child molesters look like? Your grandfather, your brother, your aunt, your employee, and yes, brilliant college football coaches. No one is all good or all bad; and sex offenders are no exception. They may be extremely talented, intelligent, successful, good-looking, blessed with beautiful families and “normal” sexual outlets. They cover all walks of life: early 20’s through 70’s, all ethnicities, races, religions, IQ levels, education, sexual orientations, and all socioeconomic strata. They don’t all look like “perverts.” There is no typical profile.
In psychology, there is a basic belief that “What is beautiful is good.” Therefore, if someone who is beautiful (or does beautiful things) does something bad, it creates cognitive dissonance, a confused state of being that can block comprehension and appropriate action. It is fairly easy for us to believe that an unattractive, low-achiever could commit sex crimes against children, and we then vilify the “pervert,” even after he/she admits it works to control it.
Many child molesters and pedophiles actually hate themselves for what they consider uncontrollable urges and would get help if they knew where to turn. Sadly, the global belief is that they cannot be helped, and most reoffend. Fortunately, this is completely false. With treatment, the recidivism rate is between 5%-13%, much lower than for non-sex crimes (US Dept of Justice; Bureau of Statistics). While there is no cure for an attraction to children, it can be managed much like substance addictions. Again, therapy and support are crucial to success.
Adults fail to intervene and report abuse for a variety of reasons, one of the most salient being denial or minimization of the offense. This is enabling, and enablers are more culpable than offenders, who can be “crippled” by their disorder. Enablers do not want the offense to be a reality, and keenly hope that it will just “go away,” particularly if it involves a celebrity or someone we really admire. The American culture all but deifies sports figures. We want heroes, and athletes and coaches bespeak health, fitness, confidence, winning, and an all- American wholesomeness that blinds some of us to their blemishes or weaknesses. While not excusing their response to the recent accusations at Penn State, Joe Paterno, Mike McQueary, Spanier, et al, I believe, were caught in this immobilizing, enabling position. While it appears that they put football before the wellbeing of children, potentially what was occurring was their inability to comprehend the severity of the crime and respond appropriately. Their actions may have been completely different and appropriate if the perpetrator were a stranger and not part of the success machine of Penn State Football.
Let us all use this tragedy as an opportunity to learn proper protocol for reporting abuse, even when an abuser attempts to exploit his/her position. Sexual abuse affects us all. This is a public health issue that can be resolved when the media and public move beyond sensationalism. Let’s offer help not only to the victims, but also to the abusers, for the best way to help victims is to help abusers. Let’s focus on accountability, responsibility, solutions, and management vs. blame, demonizing, and retribution.
Slamdunk
Excellent Dr. Thanks for challenging us not to believe that we know it all because we watch tv and read an article from time to time.
iceman18
“In psychology, there is a basic belief that “What is beautiful is good.” Therefore, if someone who is beautiful (or does beautiful things) does something bad, it creates cognitive dissonance, a confused state of being that can block comprehension and appropriate action.”
So true. Watching AC 360, I want to scream your message through to the talking heads that are themselves befuddled to make any sense of people that did not take appropriate action.
Although tragic, I hope and pray that this event stays in the public eye long enough for the world to become more aware and action oriented around child abuse and the realization that chid abuse remains a cancer in our society today. Only then will more children be rescued from the life altering path of a terrible, silent epidemic that is alive and well in our society today.
NurseBarb
Thank you for a very thoughtful post and helping me understand this horrific situation a little bit better.
G-man
Dr. Irwin, if what you write is the standard in your profession and in the views of the APA (“While there is no cure for an attraction to children, it can be managed much like substance addictions. Again, therapy and support are crucial to success.”), then why are some non-violent convicted sex offenders being forced to attend weekly group sessions with violent offenders and a “Doctor of Psychology” who constantly berates, antagonizes, and chastises them? Where is the therapeutic value in that? Can you and the APA help with this unprofessional and unethical treatment in NC?
Ric Moore
G-Man,I bet I know the very group you’re talking about. Out of prison, no one willing to hire me, I had this “professional” get right in my face, practically spitting, how she was going to see me back in prison if I didn’t come up with $800;. I had a choice, pay her or pay rent or flee to another country where they had a more reasonable approach to my problem. I moved. That was NOT my idea of rehab, especially when I had already completed SOAR, SOAR Aftercare and SOAP (a voluntary refresh of SOAR), while in prison. But, that didn’t count. And that was a taste of what came later.
Ric Moore
Whoops! I meant “county”, not country.
Ric Moore
Thank you Doctor Irwin, for you insight to the problem of reporting abuse. One impediment to reporting may be that the perceived punishment coming to the abuser outweighs the abuse to the victim, by family members and the abused themselves. Check other replies to other blogs and web articles where people are yelling for castration, or to see offenders set adrift on prison barges or pistol whipped, locked up for life, then you can understand the reticence. My victim told the Detective that she just wanted me to get some anger management. I am fortunate to have gone through the NC SOAR program where I got a LOT more than just that. Plus, we had weekly Yoga sessions, which I added to my intervention skills. To me, that is what prison could be about. Getting interventions and spending time digesting what you acquired. I spent my last couple of years regarding prison as an Ashram. Now, if only we could send everyone else there! 🙂 Ric
peacesinger
It is so good to read something thoughtful, intelligent, and reflective of the truth on the subject of sex offenders. I agree so much with those of you who are upset about people with “proclivities” not being able or not knowing how to get help. It is a direct result of SOCIETY’s ENABLING, its wish that sex offenses were not true. Instead of looking the other way, society chooses to dehumanize sex offenders so they can be effectively banished. No one wants to look at that, do they? Who wants to see their own pain?
justus1
“Many child molesters and pedophiles actually hate themselves for what they consider uncontrollable urges and would get help if they knew where to turn.”
IF they knew where to turn???? As far as I know there IS no where they can turn. I would like to know what the Good Doctor has to say to this question:
How many instances of molestation could we PREVENT if these people could go to any mental health professional and say they are having urges, and/or thoughts towards children that they KNOW are not normal and healthy, and expect to receive therapy instead of prison time.
After my husband’s arrest, I tried everything I could to find help for him. I hit a brick wall every where I turned, and every single mental healthcare professional I spoke to told me the same thing. If he’d come to them BEFORE they would have had to turn him in. People are generally protective of themselves and would not see being put in prison for many years as the answer to their problem, so I don’t see too many looking for or asking for help. This has got to change if we expect to truly prevent this from happening.
drnancyirwin
Thanks, Jackie, for your comments. I am so sorry for your husband’s poor treatment. There ARE places for those in his position to turn to for help BEFORE they act out on their deviant thoughts/fantasies. I work for one: Pacific Professional Associates (PPA) in Van Nuys (Los Angeles), CA. We have people come in on a voluntary basis and, yes, of course as a mental health professional I am mandated to report any admission/commission of sex crimes, however, we are NOT mandated to report thoughts/fantasies/inappropriate attractions. Perhaps your husband was the victim of an over-zealous, angry therapist who misunderstood his/her responsibilities.
It takes a very brave person to, in spite of the shame, admit to this proclivity and seek treatment to manage it. Hopefully our words here will help people just like that!
I wish you both well in your healing. Best of Health, Dr. Nancy
Michael
Excellent post, except for one significant bit of misleading information: “They cover all walks of life: early 20’s through 70’s.” It would have been much more accurate to have said “pre-teens through 90s.” In fact, a large proportion of sex offenses are perpetrated by juveniles, and making that point would have been highly consistent with the message of the post. Adults tend to look the other way when the perpetrator is another child, because they think of it as harmless ordinary behavior, or because they think an otherwise well-behaved child would never do such a thing. (I’m not talking about truly ordinary sexual behavior among children, like playing doctor or consensual sex between teen lovers.) But a large percentage of adult sex offenders began offending when they were adolescents, or earlier, and if we want to prevent sexual offending by adults we need to intervene before they become adults, before the patterns become solidified. Sadly, our society’s attitude about sex makes such intervention improbable.
drnancyirwin
THank you, Michael, for your great comments and support. You are right about the origins of deviant behavior, however, one cannot be diagnosed as a pedophile until the age of 18. And yes, I totally agree that treating juveniles at the first inkling of inappropriate behavior is crucial to prevent further abuse. Again, thanks for being a concerned citizen! Best of Health, Dr. Nancy
Michael
Dr. Nancy, I was not under the impression that we were speaking exclusively about pedophiles. It seems your post was about people who molest children, which includes both pedophiles and non-pedophiles, and certainly includes juveniles. In any case, if a diagnosis of pedophilia can be made for 18- and 19-year-olds then “early 20s” can be replaced with “late teens.” But I think the psychology profession is remiss in requiring someone to be at least 18 in order to be diagnosed with pedophilia. Certainly a 12-year-old who is sexually obsessed with pre-schoolers, or a 15-year-old who is molesting pre-adolescents, has some form of diagnosable sexual disorder, and needs intervention, no matter what label is or is not used.
Regards, Michael
drnancyirwin
Absolutely….and juveniles are usually diagnosed with a “Sexual Disorder NOS (not otherwised specified). The DSM-V is coming out next year and there will be many changes to the sexual disorders categories. And that is only one of many facets of this issue that need improvement and clarification!
Thanks again for sharing…
Nancy B. Irwin, PsyD, C.Ht. Psychotherapy/Clinical Hypnosis Speaker/Author