“People think that a man is the only answer to fulfillment.
Actually, a job is better for me.”
– Princess Diana
I was recently asked to comment on the neologism “The Princess Syndrome.” This syndrome is also known as the Cinderella Complex or Princess Complex. It is not a condition or disorder you will find in the DSM. DSM stands for Diagnostic Statistical Manual. It is the “Bible” for mental health conditions. The Princess Syndrome is an attitude that some parents, well-intended, no doubt, instill in their daughters. They do this through labels like “princess,” “goddess,” “diva,” or even the word “special.” It is much healthier to allow your child to be aware that no one is better than or less than anyone else. Terms like Princess, Goddess, and Diva are absolutely setting them up for chaotic relationships and self-esteem that is dependent on their appearances and trappings. They also set them up for entitlement, narcissism, and unrealistic expectations that they deserve “royal” treatment.
The etiology of the “princess syndrome psychology” can be found in many places. These include fairy tales, romance novels, romantic comedies, and media messages. And again, well-intentioned parents who more than likely want more for their daughters than they had. But they rob their girls of the valuable life lesson that we are all equal. It is a sexist attitude that supports the belief that women’s value is in their youth, beauty, and sexuality. That they need to be rescued by a “knight in shining armor,” or else they are helpless creatures.
Future relationships can be highly negatively affected by a “PS” (short for Princess Syndrome) who holds unreasonable expectations that they deserve more and can get away with more. And also that being pretty or just female entitles them to get away with less effort. Some feel that they are too good to work. They may become gold diggers, manipulating men or women to get what they “deserve” with no effort of their own.
This feeds a form of “otherism” based on a socioeconomic status; they may reject or judge other women as “beneath them,” believing that women who work must do so because they are inferior in attractiveness or privilege. They often grow up to be superficial, incapable of sharing, compromising, being authentic, or in an equal relationship. Everything is transactional. They frequently expect men to pay for everything. They may be histrionic or narcissistic, with utter disregard for others’ feelings or skills. Nothing is good enough for them. They may chronically complain, whine, and be indecisive because nothing is ever good enough or perfect enough. There is just no pleasing them because they never learned to please themselves.
To read research that supports the gender inequity fed by the princess syndrome, click on this link to an excellent study: The “Princess Syndrome”: An Examination of Gender Harassment on a Male-Majority University Campus https://scholarsmine.mst.edu/psysci_facwork/223/
Signs to look for in young girls who may be developing princess syndrome psychology are temper tantrums (at any age!). Also, learned helplessness, lack of motivation, passivity, procrastination, pouting, and cheating. More signs include manipulating others to do their work and superficiality. Finding fault with others and verbally bullying others. Competing with other females vs. cooperating or collaborating. Excessively flirting with those who can give her what she wants. Demanding to be the center of attention. Displaying an incessant need for “stuff” and/or praise for their looks/clothes/appearance. Presenting as a bottomless pit of need for adulation.
One of the most tragic symptoms is objectifying all others and the self.
Steps to deal with or prevent princess syndrome psychology:
- Praise your daughters for their hard work, not just their talent or intelligence. And not exclusively or excessively for their appearance. Of course, it is nice to praise them for being beautiful, but not to the exclusion of other values. Do so with a cooperative spirit, not a competitive one (“You were the prettiest girl on the team today!” or “You are such a special little girl!”). And not without a healthy balance between other values, like inner beauty.
- Avoid “affectionate” terms like Princess (unless you actually are royalty), Special, Goddess, or Diva.
- Process media messages and stereotypes about women with your girls.
- Allow girls to find their own voice and intrinsic value.
- Teach appropriate dress/make-up.
- Model respect for all women of all ages, body types, and inner beauty.
- Parents’ influence on their daughters’ self-image and relationship templates equals their social influences. And they need boundaries to support them.
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be princesses.
Do you have questions about Princess Syndrome or Princess Complex? Learn how hypnosis or hypnotherapy can help overcome entitlement and other symptoms by developing a stronger sense of self. And how to enhance your parenting style if you have a budding princess. Please don’t hesitate to contact me – I offer a free 30-minute phone consultation to answer any questions and for you to see if I’m the best hypnotherapist for Princess Syndrome.
Also, see the range of therapy services I offer in addition to hypnosis for Princess Syndrome, which are personally tailored for you.
To read research to support the gender inequity fed by the princess syndrome or princess complex, click on this link: https://scholarsmine.mst.edu/psysci_facwork/223/
(This post was originally posted on July 17, 2022, and was updated with additional information on April 26, 2024.)