Every feeling has an important message. When you “crawl” behind or underneath an unpleasant feeling, you can actually learn from it and mitigate its intensity. You can keep the gift and let the pain go. E.g., while depression is no fun, if you look at it as a signpost that something is missing, or off, or just not working, then you can find a clue as to what you want or need. Behind any complaint is an indication of what you truly value, which is more than likely missing at the time you are depressed, frustrated, angry, jealous, or feel life is passing you by.
“Jealousy is counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.” – Unknown
The good news is that the flip side of any complaint is a request. Turn your (probably valid) complaint over and examine to whom you can make a request: a boss, a neighbor, yourself, your spouse, etc. For example, “I have to do everything around here…. no one ever helps me!” can be turned into: “Hey honey, I request that you please help me clean up the house.” Or, “Jeez, these idiots next door never pick up their dog poop.” can be turned into a gentle reminder of what the pet policy is.
Most of us experience that unpleasant feeling of jealousy at some time, whether by viewing social media posts and feeling inferior, or feeling intimidated by a sibling or co-worker, trying to keep up with the Joneses, or suddenly feeling possessive about your mate because you feel threatened. The “good thing” about this is that it underscores what you have, can have, or would like to have; you are also aware of what you can lose, which can summon gratitude and greater care for what you treasure. Interestingly, the word jealous comes from the Low Latin word zelosus, meaning “full of zeal.” It is also attributed to the Old French word jalousie, meaning “enthusiasm, love, longing.” Not inherently bad feelings! With this awareness of what you value or want, you can then take the next step/s to attain it yourself. You can be zealous rather than jealous.
Many of our feelings serve an evolutionary purpose. Jealousy about a mate can serve as a warning to guard one’s mate with extra vigilance to protect the family unit and tribe. Jealousy over a sibling, child, or co-worker can signal one’s own lack of self-expression. Use this to serve as a bellwether for your course.
When you get triggered because you perceive someone is or has something better, more beautiful, or more valuable than you have, you feel like you cannot have the same. This comes from a poverty consciousness; as if no one else (and especially not you!) can have that. Allow this to be a landmark that you value what you are admiring in another, allowing that person to inspire you, rather than intimidate or anger you. As long as it is healthy and/or life-affirming, then figure out how you can create that quality or item for yourself. Many are quick to judge jealousy as a “negative feeling” ….something that haters are steeped in. Well, they may be, and hopefully, they will learn to turn that hate into action to actualize something meaningful for themselves. If someone hates, there is a charge. They usually really love something and wish to have it, and may feel like they can’t have it or be it. Jealousy has a great deal in common with admiration, except that jealousy has a ton of energy behind it. Channeling that into a positive direction can allow you to be grateful for jealousy as a nudge to work on realizing that quality or object in yourself, whether it is a relationship, fitness level, income, or something else.
Doing so will free you up to admire others and model them, versus feeling jealous or intimidated. This can enable us to be more cooperative rather than competitive. If they can attain X or Y or Z, why can’t you as well? Use it as evidence to support that if others can have or do what you want, so can you!
“Live a life that would make you jealous.” – Unknown
I offer free 30-minute phone consultations to answer any questions about psychotherapy, hypnotherapy and hypnosis for trauma, addictions, weight loss, anxiety, and more – please get in touch here.
Leave a Reply