Let Them

“People are disturbed not by the events that happen to them, but by their beliefs about those events.” – Epictetus

There is an excellent new book out (on Audible as well as in print) by Mel Robbins, a feisty woman who is a former attorney-turned-podcast host-bestselling author. Her latest book THE LET THEM THEORY is quite existentialist, positing a way of calming the mind and mood with a mantra: “Let them.” Implementing this, along with other several other tools she offers, allows us to let go the insistence that others do or say or be what we need or want or approve of 100% of the time.

This mindset hack is like the Serenity Prayer reduced to two words, allowing us to realize that the only way to really be in control, ironically, is to let go control. When acceptance vs judgment is the foundation of our thinking, we are able to use our intelligence, creativity, and other resources to inform a conscious response rather than an unconscious reaction to whatever life presents us. Notice that the words reactive and creative have the exact same letters…moving one little letter can make for a profoundly different outcome. The “Let them” formula works to helps you pause and choose to be creative in you response vs reactive while coping with a challenging co-worker, an unreasonable boss, a difficult neighbor, a spouse, kids, and especially with the self.

For example, someone cuts you off in traffic. Some people rage. Some see this action as evidence to support a negative belief that the world or people just suck. Some are outraged, holding onto an irrational expectancy that all other drivers should always be perfectly respectful and cordial at all times. Instead of letting that driver ruin your mood or day, holding the attitude of “let them” allows you to avert any undue annoyance or disruption to your drive or day.

This philosophy does not mean that we condone abuse of any sort or that we don’t set healthy boundaries. It allows us to let go the need to be right and make others wrong. It allows us to stop the blame-shame cycle. It allows us to be as assertive as we can possibly be in any situation, living with the knowledge espoused by the late psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

If you like reading and keeping “mental protein” nourishing your brain, pick up a copy of this great book. Or check out her wildly popular podcast – – The Mel Robbins Podcast – – her no-nonsense, direct Midwestern attitude offers a really peaceful way to live. Why not take the peaceful path?

“Accept – then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.” ― Eckhart Tolle

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