“I heard the story of what Pa allegedly said to Mummy the day of my birth: ‘Wonderful! Now you’ve given me an Heir and a Spare — my work is done.’ A joke. Presumably. My family had declared me a nullity. The Spare.” – Prince Harry
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you may have heard about the new non-fiction release, SPARE, by Prince Harry, and/or have seen the Netflix series on the couple. Regardless of their perhaps monetizing their position, the book is very well-written (albeit by a ghostwriter) and a moving account about relentless expectations and his courage to be his own self in spite of the same.
Harry comes across as authentic, brave, and addresses his poor choices like substance and alcohol abuse and an egregious party costume as a teen. As he states in the book, “No one had an answer for a boy actually seeking external pain to match his internal.” As a trauma specialist, I’m absolutely horrified that as a 12-year-old, the traumatized young prince was not given early intervention for his grief after losing his mother on that tragic day in August 1997. Clearly, he found proper treatment later on as an adult, and certainly seems to have found his voice and freedom from a lifestyle that simply was not him.
Many, perhaps, are rolling their eyes and thinking, “Oh, cry me a river!” Yet a platinum prison cell is still a prison cell. Here is a young man who had no choice, had one identity he was born into, and found a way to make his own choice in spite of the cost to his family relationships. Another question I am taking from this book is how a monarchy so powerful can allow the paparazzi to go unchecked. Speaking truth to power is difficult, and many feel family secrets should be kept private, but the underlying message is that after numerous attempts, the issues were never addressed. “Never complain; never explain” was the family motto.
In reading SPARE, I like Harry. I like his allegiance to his wife and family, his military service, and his bravely sharing his perspective. In spite of some of the outtakes the media has used rather in a rather reductionist manner, I like what he stands for, and I love his humor. Harry is his mother’s son…he has her heart, humanity, compassion, sensitivity, great insight, and the courage to do what he believes is right in the face of great opposition. I believe Princess Diana would be extremely proud of her younger son.