Flower Power Mom hosted a fantastic panel of experts on the topic of what women should know about fertility, birth, and parenting after 40, if which I was honored to be apart of.
Discover what the experts have to say through video interviews on reproductive endocrinology, Chinese fertility medicine, pregnancy, birth, parenting, and the often controversial social issues surrounding the rise in later motherhood.
Watch the video below to hear my session with Flower Power Moms on topic of midlife childbirth and parenting.
My perspective on the rising trend of older women having children for the first time is a very positive one. I’m completely in support of people doing what they choose to do at the right time for them and for the best interest of the child. many people feel pressured to have children during the “:typical child bearing years” and emotionally, psychologically, financially- they are not prepared for that, so I’m a big fan of women choosing to have children when they feel ready in all of these aspects for the good of the child and their own mental health safety as well. I’m completely a cheerleader for this!
I certainly am aware and believe that society has created a trend for women to finish their degrees, have some financial stability before they have children and I don’t think that’s all together a bad trend. I think that every person has the right to live their life with their own creative self expression. I think when they have that as a solid foundation of their own self identity, then they can model a more appropriate one for their children.
I think society has always criticized people for doing pretty much anything and that certainly has criticized a lot of women for only being a housewife and a mother. I think any woman who is brave enough to make their own choice can rise above that criticism as long as she is true to her goals and the why behind the fact that she is choosing to have a child now. i would like to empower women to think for themselves for what they want.
A lot of the entertainment magazines and television shows that feature celebrity moms having children later in life certainly can make it appear that it is very easy to do. I think most intelligent women who absorbed this information are looking behind that at all the facts of how the celebrity’s life is definitely different than theirs; they may not have the resources to go through all of the fertility treatments, etc. Intelligent women can think behind that; that it is powerful influence, absolutely- but i think if we look at the overarching theme here and see that they are choosing to do whatever it takes to have a child. If you hold on to that and find your own unique way of creating that in your own way-than that’s the major piece to take away from this.
So, if you look at the years 40-60, that is the middle. The middle of anything can be the juiciest part. There’s a natural tendency in the middle of any process- whether it’s the middle of the school year, the middle of climbing across the monkey bars- to turn around, look at how far you’ve seen where you’re going, to reassess; “am I really committed to the direction I’m taking, or should I make another commitment at this time”. Nothing wrong with doing that at all. That’s what bright people want to do. I don’t understand why it should be any different when it comes to parenting than it is with changing careers.
We’re all living much longer than our predecessors did. We have time to have multiple do-overs. The typical person changes careers at least four or five times now before they retire. Who says we cant begin a new chapter of being a parent in our middle years. Most of the people I’ve seen whose chosen to do this are more committed to being a good parent and do whatever it takes; they have more resources. A woman who does wait to her 40’s generally have a much stronger sense of self. She’s read all of the books, she’s talking to other people who had already gone through childbirth and child bearing and she knows what to expect for the most part.
Some of the obstacles certainly may be the bias of other people, the comments being made- “omg I’m not sure I could that at this age”, “are you sure you want to do this, you’re gonna be 80 by time the child get married”, and all of that. I encourage women to just rise above that. Plug themselves in their own reasons, their own mission for choosing to have a child right now and invest all of that energy into strengthening their parenting skills and the bond that they have with their children. Tell the people, “well, you made your choice, I’m making mine- I’d really appreciate you supporting and respecting it.” Then let it go like water off a duck back because you cant change other people perspectives. All you can do is show them that you are committed to the choice you made.